Our five-year-old was developing a bad relationship with her iPad. Was it a phase? Because of her injury? Either way, when school started, it was time for a reboot.
We recently switched from screen time limits to “screen time allowed” time blocks. With 4 kids and multiple platforms (iPads, PCs, consoles), technology solutions were too leaky, especially for things like YouTube that you can access from multiple places.
So now we’re just saying “you can use devices between time X and time Y”. It’s been a big upgrade so far. An additional benefit: everyone is off devices at the same time, so there’s no “huddle around one kid’s screen”, and they also find more stuff to do together.
If you haven’t, I highly recommend checking out The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Really excellent look into how screens and the loss of physical play has effected children (and as they age to teenagers). He’s been leading the national effort to get cellphones out of school. Any way good read and very pertinent to a lot of the issues you’re dealing with.
Very interesting read! I might suggest doing a bit of research on “task switching” - I think it’s something all brains can struggle with, whether neurodivergent or not, and the strategies/understanding of what’s happening in the mind in those moments can be very helpful.
I always had better long-term success when the onus was on my kids to police themselves. Stuff like screens are only in open areas (not their bedroom) and usable during certain hours. At first my wife and I would monitor and help them to follow these rules. But eventually I made it their responsibility to adhere. And slowly we worked toward a zero tolerance policy - get caught using a screen outside of the approved time and you lose the screen for a period of time.
This had the benefit not needing to rely on tech solutions (and as my kids are 15/20 now, family sharing and monitoring was even worse when they were younger). And more importantly, it taught them about self control and consequences.
Of course, all of this is dependent on age and temperament. The adage "no plan survives first contact with the enemy" is so applicable to parenting (not in a confrontational sense, but you need to be prepared for unexpected reactions from your kids - positive and negative).
We've just started introducing our 6 year old to Minecraft, and the thing that sealed the deal for me on Playstation of all things was the robustness of the Parental features - you can extend time in 15 minute blocks even BEFORE the time actually runs out.
There's even a dedicated Family App that allows for you to manage approvals and see activities.
It's not perfect (as the Marketplace and videos can't be gated off), but a definite improvement over Apple's current implementation.
Your shift in routines sounds awesome. Looking forward to hearing how it goes. My "kids" are 23/21, so our rules are way more relaxed nowadays; however, the "no phones at the dinner table" continues. (Side note: Their high school used the Yonder pouches. Very thankful for that, ha!)
I appreciate this and am in a similar place this autumn! We've wanted to research some better options and these all sound good (I'm including yours, Mike B!). I echo the theory that Apple employees must not use these controls because they are indeed so bad.
We already have the morning schedule down, basically where you ended up, and for similar reasons. I'll have to set the devices to work the way you describe in the afternoon, because that seems reasonable. If an hour is all they want and they don't want to do any chores, I'm okay with that as long as they are doing something else to play. 😂
We recently switched from screen time limits to “screen time allowed” time blocks. With 4 kids and multiple platforms (iPads, PCs, consoles), technology solutions were too leaky, especially for things like YouTube that you can access from multiple places.
So now we’re just saying “you can use devices between time X and time Y”. It’s been a big upgrade so far. An additional benefit: everyone is off devices at the same time, so there’s no “huddle around one kid’s screen”, and they also find more stuff to do together.
If you haven’t, I highly recommend checking out The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Really excellent look into how screens and the loss of physical play has effected children (and as they age to teenagers). He’s been leading the national effort to get cellphones out of school. Any way good read and very pertinent to a lot of the issues you’re dealing with.
I have...issues with that book and its general thesis. But haven't had time to get into them here.
Very interesting read! I might suggest doing a bit of research on “task switching” - I think it’s something all brains can struggle with, whether neurodivergent or not, and the strategies/understanding of what’s happening in the mind in those moments can be very helpful.
I always had better long-term success when the onus was on my kids to police themselves. Stuff like screens are only in open areas (not their bedroom) and usable during certain hours. At first my wife and I would monitor and help them to follow these rules. But eventually I made it their responsibility to adhere. And slowly we worked toward a zero tolerance policy - get caught using a screen outside of the approved time and you lose the screen for a period of time.
This had the benefit not needing to rely on tech solutions (and as my kids are 15/20 now, family sharing and monitoring was even worse when they were younger). And more importantly, it taught them about self control and consequences.
Of course, all of this is dependent on age and temperament. The adage "no plan survives first contact with the enemy" is so applicable to parenting (not in a confrontational sense, but you need to be prepared for unexpected reactions from your kids - positive and negative).
What a relatable article.
We've just started introducing our 6 year old to Minecraft, and the thing that sealed the deal for me on Playstation of all things was the robustness of the Parental features - you can extend time in 15 minute blocks even BEFORE the time actually runs out.
There's even a dedicated Family App that allows for you to manage approvals and see activities.
It's not perfect (as the Marketplace and videos can't be gated off), but a definite improvement over Apple's current implementation.
Your shift in routines sounds awesome. Looking forward to hearing how it goes. My "kids" are 23/21, so our rules are way more relaxed nowadays; however, the "no phones at the dinner table" continues. (Side note: Their high school used the Yonder pouches. Very thankful for that, ha!)
I appreciate this and am in a similar place this autumn! We've wanted to research some better options and these all sound good (I'm including yours, Mike B!). I echo the theory that Apple employees must not use these controls because they are indeed so bad.
We already have the morning schedule down, basically where you ended up, and for similar reasons. I'll have to set the devices to work the way you describe in the afternoon, because that seems reasonable. If an hour is all they want and they don't want to do any chores, I'm okay with that as long as they are doing something else to play. 😂