Screen Time Surrender: A Tech-Resistant Mom's Gaming Journey
How did I get here, from my no-screens-allowed mind space? Honest answer: mama needs quiet time.
Before I was a parent, I was the perfect parent. My kids were not going to be iPad kids. Junk food? Bad! Screentime? Bad! Gaming? Bad! Nope, my kids were going to me all-organic, Montessori-led, gently parented perfection.
Now…?
If they’ve eaten, great. Used their iPads? Fine. Games? They’re actually a lot of fun.
Four kids later, I’ve evolved. Personally, I was a Game Boy kid. I understand why my parents let me use it when we were travelling, even if it was for hours on end. Sometimes, adults need quiet time.
On road trips, I make sure the iPads are fully charged—with headphones. We’ve even got back up external batteries and a 6-device charging port. (I’m still working on the ideal charging station but this works pretty well.)
At ages 4, 6, 8 and 10 (yes, nice and tidily spaced!), we’re heavy into Minecraft, Stardew Valley, and Bloons TD 6. We’ve dabbled in Roblox, but my youngest started having night terrors from some zombie chasing mini-game so we’re “on a break.”
How did I get here, from my no-screens-allowed mind space?
Honest answer: mama needs quiet time.
The Switch was definitely our gateway drug, echoing back to my Game Boy days. Throw that in with my partner being a tech dude bro and we’re full on gaming together these days.
I justify it to myself because that’s the world our kids are growing up in. I bet they’ll have the same nostalgia for Alex, Steve, and the Creepers that I do for Mario, Luigi and Wario. Game play gives them the ability to visualise in 3D, teaches them problem solving skills, and walks them through story building.
They’re even learning the basic social skills, like in Stardew Valley “you get someone to marry you by being nice to them and giving them stuff and doing things for them,” says my four-year-old. You even have to “upgrade your house to make room for them” and “girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys.” It's creating societal norms.
My partner (who works in fintech) tells a story of when he first learned market manipulation. In his childhood, he played a lot of the old online game Runescape. Clans in the game would coordinate purchasing resources, they’d buy up all the stock of a certain item and create scarcity. The FOMO hit—and the price would spike. Useful to see how basic economics works.
Not only are my kiddos learning about how the world works, but we bond in game worlds, too. We’ve had game nights when it's like a movie night. We make popcorn,all hang out in the same room, and each play on individual devices. Sometimes everyone is playing Stardew Valley as different characters at different seasons.
Siblings will also meet up and build together in Roblox. Sometimes we Mart Kart race and make it a tournament. Older sisters teach the younger ones how to pass a level in Bloons. They do online scavenger hunting and obstacle course racing. That’s bonding time, I tell myself, as I zone out to Cooking Fever, where I practice time management and efficiency as a virtual restaurateur.
The Tech Bros hang out on Tuesday nights, and they play their more adult games on Discord. Despite living thousands of miles away from his college buddies, my partner does that guy thing where they shoot monsters and bust each others’ balls and don’t talk about their feelings, but feel like they’re together. And they all make time for it every single week, ‘cause it matters to them.
“Before I was a parent, I was the perfect parent. My kids were not going to be iPad kids. Junk food? Bad! Screentime? Bad! Gaming? Bad! Nope, my kids were going to me all-organic, Montessori-led, gently parented perfection.”
As technology progresses, my kids are going to become immersed in these worlds. I’d rather expose them to the good stuff and use it in moderation than then sneaking game time in the middle of the night.
I worry when my little guy wakes up asking to play games, and goes to sleep asking for iPad time. I’ve seen how hours of playing on a screen makes him cranky. But now he’ll notice when “screentime hurts [his] head” and manage breaks for himself. We have just as much fun swimming, playing soccer and badminton. Regardless of the medium, my emphasis is family time.
I’ve tried different kinds of limits: setting timers on devices, making checklists that have to be completed before screens, or saving screen time for the weekends. I haven’t come to the perfect method yet, but we’ve got the principle down that we also need to go outside, get in activity, and be present together at the dinner table.
I don’t like YouTube in my house because, as I tell my kids, “the algorithm eats your brain.” But I will accept that there’s a ton a person can learn on YouTube and it can be an educational resource. Or just a great place to zone out and laugh. The one thing I don’t understand: watching other people play video games. But they tell me that’s how they learn to play if they’re stuck.
That’s where we’re at with school aged kids at my house. For the most part, my mom guilt is under control. Everyone’s got different thresholds and limits, and I’ve come to see the beauty in gaming.
I just needed the Nintendo Switch to remind me of my childhood. And I still have yet to let my kids beat me at Mario Kart.
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I love how you make time for your kids while you’re working so hard on other things. I am so proud of you Lauren. As kids, my siblings and I, we always only wanted presence from our parents whatever the medium might be. You’re my dream mom. Lol.
Lovely post. I’ve begun having thoughts around this topic. We’ve basically created a morning routine for our 3 year old of Ms Rachel for an hour while we get things in order. We were never totally against screen-time (especially for long car rides), but we limited it the best we could until she became a toddler.
Now I’m worried that she’s aging out of Ms Rachel and I fear the algorithm. Because of our more relaxed morning screen-time, our newborn has been exposed since day 1. It’ll be interesting managing this as we move forward.
Thankfully, the 3 year old hasn’t really shown an interest in video games when I show them to her. I’ve only shown her Mario 64, which I let her practice running around the front courtyard, and a Game Boy, which she doesn’t really get. But with either of these it’s basically 5 minutes and she’s over it.
Reading your post makes me less worried about the kids taking to games, so long as I’m able to curate them and observe what they are learning.