Bridging Generational Gaps Between Kids Who Loves Games and Parents Who Don't Get Them

A huge influence on whether you think video games are worthy of your time and entertainment is when you were born.

“You’re a gamer; maybe you can help me with this,” my friend Hilarie said as I sat at her table.

She and her husband have four children: two sons, ages 18 and 16, and two daughters, ages 14 and 11. She explained to me she didn’t really understand the appeal of video games and didn’t know what kinds of boundaries or limits she should set with her kids. “I don’t think they’re doing anything wrong,” she said. “But … I just don’t get it.”

As I helped her understand, her 16-year-old son Colson came bounding down the hall and slid into the kitchen with his socked feet. He gestured to me overdramatically, as teens often do, and said loudly–almost with exasperated relief, “Thank you! She gets it!”

Hilarie is a borderline Generation X/”Xennial” parent with little-to-no gaming experience. I am a Millennial casual gaming parent with two littles, and her children are Gen Z and Gen Alpha and all avid gamers. These three generations have very different experiences with video games (and technology in general), as the tech has exponentially grown in our lifetimes.

For Hilarie and the Gen Xers, video games are often painted as something that is detrimental to the brain and tightly connected to violence, isolation, and social disorders. For Millennials like me, video games are more accepted but still relatively considered a “nerd” hobby, often connected to social awkwardness. For Gen Z and Gen Alpha, online gaming is the norm, and it’s almost always a social activity—which can come with its own challenges. 

So, what is the point that connects this non-gaming Gen X parent to better understand and support her Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids’ interest in gaming, and what made Colson so emphatically grateful for my insight?

I tried to think of a point of reference, and remembered Hilarie and her kids were all also big readers. Colson especially enjoyed RPGs and narrative-driven games, with some of his favorites being Hollow Knight, Red Dead Redemption, and Elden Ring.

I explained to her, as I have explained to others who don’t “get” video games, that games like these are another form of storytelling but interactive, like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, with the visuals of a movie. These games not only provide the same kind of imagination and escapism that books and movies do but offer the ability to control how the narrative unfolds, making it an active storytelling experience.

A lightbulb went off for her, and it was at this time when Colson made his excited appearance.

Other games that Colson enjoyed like Halo, Minecraft, and League of Legends are less story-driven but more of a chance to connect with his friends. “If we know we don’t have school tomorrow,” he said, “we know we’re all going to be online hanging out instead.”

Colson and I both helped Hilarie understand that playing video games online with your friends is a lot like playing a team sport; there are more strategy-based problem-solving elements that require communication and coordination.

“My friend is a borderline Generation X/”Xennial” parent with little-to-no gaming experience. I am a Millennial casual gaming parent with two littles, and her children are Gen Z and Gen Alpha and all avid gamers. These three generations have very different experiences with video games (and technology in general), as the tech has exponentially grown in our lifetimes.”

“This is a bigger jump for me,” Hilarie admitted, “but what has eased my mind about it now is how much we’ve talked about it. I know he can keep in touch with friends who have left. We’ve had discussions about boundaries and limits, and I know what kinds of games he’s playing and who he’s playing with.”

“What’s most important for a parent to understand if their kid is gaming,” Colson said, “is to know what kind of game they’re playing and why they enjoy playing it–like, the reasons for playing something like Fortnite are much different than playing Dark Souls.” 

Once Hilarie understood the games her kids were playing and why they enjoyed playing them, she was able to better set boundaries and rules. Whatever family rules and expectations their family kept around consumption of media, time management, and social connections were consistent with their rules around video games. It’s not fair to say a child can read after bedtime but not game late into the night, can have dinner after the baseball match but interrupt a Call of Duty tournament for a meal, or can’t text their friends but let them talk to whomever they want in Roblox. Consistency is key.

As I mentioned, I’m a casual gamer with two littles. I enjoy sim games and RPGs and often use them as a form of escapism. Stardew Valley, The Sims, and Don’t Starve are some of my favorites. I have two girls who are still quite young for gaming; my older just turned 6, and my younger is almost 2. However, both of them know I play games in my free time, and my older one has played quite a bit with me! (She has her own farm in Stardew.)

My husband and I have an old phone that has essentially become a mobile game machine for our older daughter, but we monitor her gaming closely, not just to make sure she doesn’t accidentally buy something or get into an ad but to see what kinds of games she gravitates toward, what kinds of skills she’s building, and how she enjoys spending her time. Just as we sit with her when she watches TV (or at least listen from the other room) and read books with her on a daily basis, we use gaming as quality time together.

I suggested to Hilarie that if she still didn’t “get it,” why not join in?

Playing video games with the kids or watching them play is also quality time, and most kids like the opportunity to teach their parents about something new–especially if it’s something they’re interested in. It not only gives the opportunity for shared play but allows the parent(s) to monitor any behavior they don’t approve of. It helps to build confidence, share a connection, relax, have fun, and be aware of what the kids are doing, all at once.

“Uh, I don’t know about that,” Colson curved with a nervous chuckle.

“I’ll watch,” Hilarie laughed, “but I need someone to make a guide to how to use all those buttons on the controller before I’ll start actually playing!”

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