How a Lonely Dad Found Community in Retro Game Collecting
If I can develop bonds in a virtual group where the primary focus is on riding the thin line between collector and hoarder, what else could I do?
Not fitting in is something I excel at.
I’ve always found it hard to develop friendships. At school, I was painfully shy, something I’ve worked hard to overcome. I grew up away from cities, so I found it tough to find anyone with my interests.
I’m better now, decades later and more confident and more stable than I was as a teen. But I’m no natural raconteur. I work from home five days a week, and adore the space and quiet it provides. Yet, I still crave the friendship groups that I assume everyone else has.
I’ve watched my own children develop their own friendships, thankfully, without anywhere near the level of discomfort I felt at their age. What I did not anticipate was finding those friendships while stumbling into a new hobby of collecting old video games.
I recently met up with some old friends from university. We celebrated the 20-year anniversary of when we began our undergraduate degrees. Now older, achier, and many of us with children (temporarily abandoned so we could return to the pubs that nurtured us), I asked about any hobbies people had taken up. As part of this, I shared a theory of mine, that men reach a certain age and find the time, money and inclination to start “collecting.”
Someone shared his amazing amateur astronomy set up and his shelf bursting with completely untouched airfix models. Another showed his collection of folio books, quickly pointing out the most expensive and rarest ones. Yet another showed his Warhammer army. (Ironic, as he works in strategic planning for the UK’s Royal Air Force!)
In turn, I scrolled through my phone’s picture reels, which contain some pictures of my family, but largely consist of dozens of pictures of retro and modern video games.
The foundation of this hobby was laid during lockdown.
During those long days with no way to get outside, I took to scrolling through YouTube, looking for something, anything to occupy me. I came across various collectors who buy and trade videogames, as well as DVDs, Blu-rays, whatever can be found cheap and traded higher, to build retro game collections at low cost.
One of the YouTubers I follow has a Discord. I decided to take the plunge, as it was easy enough to abandon if I didn’t fit in. The fear of it all coming down in flames held me back for months. Yet the Discord group has proven surprisingly easy, as every day starts with a round of greetings and usually a lament about the weather (hey, this is Britain), while people share their recent purchases to hordes of thumbs up and flame reacts.
I had increasingly given up on finding a group of people with similar interests, but I can’t explain how freeing it is to hear someone else get excited about a total irrelevance you always assumed only mattered to you. I’m sure there must be a word in German for it. I know these places existed, I’ve heard and read about others “finding communities” but I could just never seem to make it happen,
Now, here were a group of people equally, if not more, excited for a Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker limited edition slip cover.
My previous attempts to find similar communities on Facebook felt like being stuck at a party with a large group of middle aged men all trying to one up each other. The Discord group, however, has given me a deeper insight into the lives of others that could only come from a community. Previous communities always felt like I was either not engaged enough or was more invested than anyone else seemed to be
“I’ve watched my own children develop their own friendships, thankfully, without anywhere near the level of discomfort I felt at their age. What I did not anticipate was finding those friendships while stumbling into a new hobby of collecting old video games.”
Importantly, there are the other parents in the group. Their struggles—medical, financial, behavioural, etc—while remaining positive and engaging contributors, put my own parental worries into perspective.
Collecting is not a new hobby for me, but between the lack of space and tight finances, I had long since given up on my dreams. But I now own my own home, have a stable job, and find myself on a more even financial footing than I had been in years, in part thanks to my wife returning to work after focusing on raising our two children. I could actually spend money on myself, something I had actively worked to dissuade myself of for years.
Supported by a positive group, I have decided to keep pushing myself. I’m hoping to meet Discord members in the real world at some upcoming retro gaming markets.
If I can develop bonds in a virtual group where the primary focus is on riding the thin line between collector and hoarder, what else could I do? Who else could be my friend?
 | A guest post by
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I read the subject line "Lonely Dad... Retro Game Collecting," and thought, oh, this must surely be about me! Except I haven't found the community part. Would love to know which Discord channel you're on if you don't mind sharing. Is it mainly U.K.-based? Or are there people from other countries too? I'm in the U.S., more specifically an aging, sparsely populated county in the aging, sparsely populated state of Maine, so it's definitely been a challenge to find community locally. I did actually meet a dad twice who is clearly a big retro game collector, and I texted him twice a long time ago, but nothing ever happened. Perhaps I should try again. As someone who also works from home, I have found the rural environment to be more isolating than it would be for someone who can at least work with other people in a physical space. It's one of the big reasons why I'm hoping to move to Maine's biggest metro area later this year, as I know there is definitely a lot more community potential down there.
Love this! I feel so awkward talking about my fascination of games, collecting, and modding efforts at work and around family and friends. It’s great to find little corners of the internet where everyone is just as excited as you!