Breaking: Child Throws Tantrum After Learning She’ll Have to Take Turns Playing Princess Peach in New Mario Game

Oh, goddamnit.

The new Mario game is out today, and we’re already having problems in the Klepek household. The thing is, I knew this was going to be an issue for a few days now.

Recently, Nintendo invited me to sit through a presentation of the company’s holiday lineup. While mostly news I was already aware of, it was a chance to ask a few questions, and during the Super Mario Bros. Wonder portion, I asked an big question.

“Hey, would two players be able to play as a character at the same time?”

After a short pause, the Nintendo representative said no, but pointed to the (noteworthy!) fact that Wonder has a huge lineup, compared to most Mario games: Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Toad, Toadette, Nabbit, and Yoshi.

When I joked that my question was rooted in knowing that both my kids would want to play as Peach, they laughed, and noted that, at least, there were two princesses.

Reader, I was already worried about what this answer meant for my family, and those worries were given material evidence when I tried to broach the topic with my kids.

Let’s rewind to Monday’s post about The Princess Peach Problem in my house.

(Editor’s Note: I was sadly not granted early access to the game, but will report back with impressions on what it’s like to play the game with the family early next week.)