As Kids Grow Up, How to Handle Their Evolving Screen Time

What is on the TV and what function it's serving—both for the parent and for the child—are incredibly important.

Ms. Rachel, a popular educational YouTube creator.

Patrick’s Note: Happy to have Ash back with another piece. Chime in with topics you’d like Ash to cover in the future. You can see more of their work at the bottom! Also, if you’d like to pitch me on something to be published on Crossplay in the future, I’m open to it. Back to Ash…

I grew up with fairly liberal access to TV and video games; my parents had to give the OK on the games I had, but I had pretty free access to whatever was on TV. Nowadays, it’s clear that the media options for kids today are very different. On the plus side, our kids now have access to niche and specialty media we couldn’t have dreamed of 30 years ago, but with that access comes a huge amount of work for parents. 

Although plenty of things on TV in the 90’s and 00’s were not exactly kid-appropriate, they were professionally made and held to a certain standard of quality and content. Between YouTube channels, Roblox games, and streaming kids media, it can feel impossible to know where to begin—and where to draw limits.  

How do we know if certain media is “good” for our kids? And is there any difference in the types of media they engage with, now or as they grow? 

You’ve probably seen the official recommendations that children under two years old should have no screen time (except for video calls) and/or should only see educational shows with an adult present and describing what’s going on. This is because there is evidence that under two years old, children do not “learn” from media without an interactive adult. Additionally, there is evidence that babies exposed to screens after 7:00 pm may have less night time sleep. 

Even that statement, though, will get pushback from some caregivers who have seen their kids (even those under two!) learn words or phrases from “educational” creators like Ms. Rachel and her phonics-focused videos and songs. The real caution with using screens as an “educational” activity is the real-life version of that activity would result in more learning. If you can replace Ms. Rachel with a parent who can be down on the ground singing songs, clapping, and naming objects, that’s likely “better” for a child. 

However, most of the time Ms. Rachel is replacing a caregiver who desperately needs to make dinner and answer some work email and doesn’t have the capacity to be present and hands on with their child! In that scenario, Ms. Rachel is probably going to be a benefit to the child…or at least to the parent. 

Whether or not kids “learn” or engage more with video games, tablets, or TV is not clearly defined. It would be nearly impossible to account for all the variables in “passive” media like TV, movies, streaming content, and YouTube videos, let alone accounting for “involved” media like tablet apps, commercial off-the-shelf video games, and user-created games. Even those studies that attempt to find the differences are comparing very specific examples of media types. 

This is where we, the caregivers, have a lot of power. We know our kids. We can generally tell what types of media they enjoy, what scares them, what motivates them, and what dysregulates them. My child was never one to “talk back” to educational TV characters asking the audience to shout out answers. When my child plays certain games or apps, they become very loud and agitated, whereas other apps make them inquisitive, measured, and engaged. Those are all valid and helpful observations, but they also require a pretty engaged caregiver, which isn’t always possible. 

Knowing all this, here are some guidelines that might help you when evaluating content:

What “need” is this screen meeting?

One of my central tenets is “screens should benefit whole families.” If I need to focus on wrapping up work or listening to a meeting, I can’t be interrupted with questions about what to do in a game or if a certain video is OK. If the “need” of your family is for your child to be independently occupied, then you probably want that screen time to be spent on something that will independently hold their attention. 

What are your deal breakers?

You might decide that ads are a no-go, and choose not to offer free-to-play apps or ad-driven videos to your kids. Certain words are probably off limits, as well as certain depictions of violence, conflict, or friendships. 

What does your child respond well to?

Some kids can sit still and watch TV, staying engaged while watching and calm when it’s over. Other kids do better engaging with games or apps. Does your child enjoy sandboxes and/or open world environments? Do they like following instructions? Do they like competing? This can take experimentation to decide, but if I know my child likes a certain quality in their play, it can help me narrow down what type of media is “high quality” for their interests. 

Consult Common Sense Media, download a demo, or play it yourself.

If you’re a gamer or familiar with how games work, downloading a demo or playing the first level of an app is probably a good way for you to assess the content. Some things I always ask myself: Can my child read the game content? Are the plot and/or mechanics something my kid would probably like?  What does the game do if I do things wrong or do nothing? Are there online components I need to limit? If that seems too involved, head to Common Sense Media and search for the show, app, video game, movie, even book that your child is interested in. I particularly like that adults and kids can write reviews in addition to the professional contributors; that gives me a good sense of the content from a variety of perspectives, and the criteria they use to rate media is a lot more specific than “E for everyone.” 

Have a go-to response when your kiddo asks to watch/play something new.

In my house, any requests for new games or apps are met with the same reply: “[other parent] and I will talk, play the game, and decide if this is a good fit for our family.” If our child wants to watch something on YouTube, they know that is only allowed when we are in the room, and they have to ask us before starting any new video. I like the aspect of mutual accountability in this practice; it’s our job (my spouse’s and mine) to make sure the media we give our child is “safe” and it’s our child’s to decide what to play within what’s allowed. This also sends the message to our kiddo that both parents are involved in these choices and that we will take their requests seriously, but probably won’t give an instant answer. 

Finally, after saying yes to a new game or show, pay attention to how your child engages with it. Does it seem to spark creativity and conversation, or does it result in non-stop frustration? Just like not all adults enjoy the same shows or games, neither will kids, and when we take the time to customize our idea of “quality” media, we’re setting our kids and ourselves up for more success. 

Ash’s Other Work on Crossplay:

• How to Set Up Screen Time Boundaries and Routines With Your Children

• Your Kid Got a Video Game System Over the Holidays, And You're Worried They're Obsessed. Now What?

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Also:

• How do we feel about Ms. Rachel? Gotta admit, I am not familiar with her, but after my oldest’s struggles with reading, I wonder if she might be useful, as my youngest, who turns four next month, to get her on an earlier track with phonics.

• How your child responds is so important. This pairs well with the piece from earlier this week about a father saying “no” to Roblox. Every situation is unique!

• What was your access to TV and games like as a kid? My parents were hands off, and I’ve tried to keep a similar approach (within reason) with my own kids, too.